Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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