Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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