i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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