You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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