dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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