Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
