...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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