I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
