I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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