Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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