I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
