He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this will be a night to untag.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
