between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
