It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
