I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
