How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
