he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
