everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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