Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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