oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize