So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
