If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
