based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
