there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do herpes really smell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
