big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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