By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Damn victory sex feels great
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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