I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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