Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
