This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
