I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize