You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
