I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
