Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
