I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
