Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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