Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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