so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
