I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize