Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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