Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize