Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize