I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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