4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
