Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
