Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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