Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
