YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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