there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
