I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
