If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize