Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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