You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
