the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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