i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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