five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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