he shaved USA in his pubs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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