the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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