hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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