whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize