A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
