who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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