My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
