i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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