she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
