so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize