I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
