OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
