obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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