I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
