At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
