wakey wakey hands off snakey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
