i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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