if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
