laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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