And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
