do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
