my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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