We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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